tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3796406136606605082024-02-06T18:11:12.264-08:00That's just me!What you see is what you get.
That's just me
saying what I think and feel
about Life, Love and all the rest.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-38009170265451099072014-05-25T10:50:00.001-07:002014-05-25T10:58:43.178-07:00A return to HomeschoolingIt didn't take long for us to decide to go back to homeschooling. My health is to a point where I believe I can handle it again. The kids HATE public school, and I must say that I do as well.<br />
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The amount of government game playing is unbelievable. The control from the teachers and school staff really gets under my skin. My children have spent the past two and a half years learning to take the state tests.<br />
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Not to mention the fact that in one week's time, I saw a 7 year old dragged from the elementary school in handcuffs and there was a gang fight at the middle school. We drove over an hour a day to take them to the "best schools" in our town as well.<br />
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My children spent their time being herded around in lines. Learning to accept bullying because standing up for yourself got you in trouble, not the bully. They learned to stay quiet and follow someone else's rules about what they were learning even if it was boring, too hard or just plain stupid. If they had a hard time, they were in danger of being labeled slow somehow.<br />
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There is no doubt in my mind that we are making the right decision.<br />
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I had never had them in school before. We homeschooled from birth...for 13 years....until I got ill. I ran the support group, went to conferences, talked to many people about public school but I had never seen it for myself. Suffice it to say, I have seen enough.<br />
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This time, we will be free of a lot of the things that wasted our time before...such as a rigoriuous, ridiculous pursuit of perfection. I am so looking forward to living life with my kids again and learning as we go along!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-86405734822693389412014-05-18T10:24:00.001-07:002014-05-18T10:25:05.656-07:00Testing Windows Writer<p>Yup, just downloaded this, trying to see how easy it is to blog with it…</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDFF08XKbxA2LUv87Eu2F3VJb4-OkxslVr0984-SbLl8_bu7Lz4zgDJzwPbqCjFaUhOKC9Cdvub8lCskGk42Wrz2wzzJEZfg7jBl1Rv-PFgR-M_nx6NN9YsBtYmsUHPGcSKHBKWI43wufn/s1600-h/cool%252520eye%25255B24%25255D.jpg"><img title="cool eye" style="border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline" border="0" alt="cool eye" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyM7HQAAx313uO6wdSeB27UPaTAqFgH8p8XJCi7nD_aI-FW6kmBT43W5qJQrNhTFjCuNI9NhwJZlb9rQyDC0jWm0_6Llm87VQ0AjYNiZvihLZkrxCqP8Zn1jf2A1lmQMUiAyme0Cu0dulT/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="176"></a></p> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-83061036101748675532014-05-15T09:52:00.001-07:002014-05-15T09:52:21.393-07:00Healing and freedom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This title, to me is so powerful. I have spent these past few years pondering and brewing on these concepts. There is a steadily growing part of myself that will not tolerate these concepts to remain conceptual, but demands that they are realized in all areas of my life.<br />
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Not since the terrible illness and the brain surgeries...but I believe way before this time. That part of my life was simply a larger spring board. In some ways, I believe that I allowed or contracted this illness to bring about my healing and freedom.<br />
Perhaps in some place before time and space, in the stillness of being where my creator and I planned my existence. With love and grace, I believe we picked and chose the lessons I would need to become fully me, to realize my destiny. Free will came when I would again and again need to choose to surrender to love and healing, or to continue on in bondage and delay my freedom.<br />
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I believe that we do choose bondage constantly. We seem to desperately seek it out.<br />
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Consider for a moment all of the people, places and things that we run to in order to remain bound.<br />
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Religion, that was a biggie for me. I am wholly united and in love with God, don't get me wrong.<br />
I am Him, and He is me...if you can get your mind around that without labeling me a heretic.<br />
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Religion, however gave me SO many chances to deny myself in a not-so-healthy way. To choose the style of conservative, Patriarchal brand of religion that I once embraced was probably one of my sickest moments. To believe that my God would have created me to be any less than His other creations, and that I should remain in abject submission to man in order to be right with God now strikes me as sheer insanity.<br />
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Part of my healing and freedom over these years has been the process of unwinding my beliefs and taking them to God for review. So far, no matter how ugly or angrily I have come to him, he has yet to smote me on the ashes of ruin.<br />
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Next to religion, we choose bizarre and hurtful cultural beliefs as a way to be bound. Just looking a the cover of a popular magazine in the supermarket should show us how harmful our cultural concepts of female beauty are. How many girls and women utterly hate themselves because they cannot look like the airbrushed model before them.<br />
Even the word model...as if this standard of beauty should be adopted and modeled my us.<br />
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Let's not forget the desperate seeking of love and acceptance that most of spend our lives dedicated to.<br />
I think it is because we are so bound, of our own making and sometimes from the abuse another bound person perpetrated upon us...whatever the reason, we cannot find God or love or freedom, so we choose again and again to be bound and hurt by people.<br />
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If religion, unattainable standards of perfection or people aren't enough bondage...we will choose harmful substances and behaviors that will further bind us.
I will not elaborate, but I have had more than my fair share of experience in this area of addiction.<br />
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Addiction is not only choosing to ingest harmful substances, but addiction is any form of self abuse, mentally or physically. Stress and worry are one of the most popular forms of self abuse around!<br />
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Knowing this, and knowing that only I can free myself from the many bandages that I willingly walk, or run into is such a powerful thought for me right now.<br />
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Where once I strove to have it all together (whatever that means) and to please God with all sorts of things that He never asked of me, I now stand in a place of complete surrender and brokenness.<br />
Not a brokenness of spirit or soul, but a brokenness that I fought for and agonized over for so long. A completely dismantling of all my beliefs and a realization of how they allowed me to perpetrate bondage.<br />
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Why on earth would I/We willingly stay bound, in fact seek out new ways to ensure that we do?<br />
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It is easier to stay bound than it is to surrender to LOVE.</div>
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It is easier to feed the distraction, the sickness and the chatter between our ears than it is to sit in stillness and realize, slowly and perhaps for the first time ever that we are already perfect in God's sight.<br />
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That we are ENOUGH.</div>
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That there is nothing more that we have to do to earn God's love or approval.</div>
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Realizing that will completely change your life. It has mine. Every time something else pops up to challenge that is an opportunity to reexamine the belief behind that distraction and the freedom to cast it aside. </div>
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Healing is surrender to LOVE.</div>
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For me, at least for this moment, I choose LOVE.
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-56094892851938601782013-10-23T06:26:00.002-07:002013-10-23T06:38:37.050-07:00Left Turns<br />
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Today I was struck with the thought that my life has been a series of left turns.<br />
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It was one of those moments where I believe God spoke to me and showed me this whole picture of my life and answered many of my questions in just a brief moment of inspiration. I am sure that my words will not be able to convey the fullness of that moment.<br />
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I saw that I am always making left turns...which bring me back around in a circle instead of a straight line. This was not a discouraging thought as if I am not "getting anywhere" instead, I was wrapped in comfort at the knowledge that no matter how far I think I have gone in any direction, right or wrong, I am actually only circling back around to where I started, in the presence of my Creator.<br />
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The bible says <i>"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." </i>
Psalm 139:7-12<br />
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In my journey I have experienced what the Psalmist says here. I have thought that I was in the heavens and I have made my bed in the depths. I now see that both of these are illusion. I have never left God's side, or rather...He has never left mine.<br />
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The course in Miracles says that the belief that we are separated from God is insanity. I can relate to that. Insanity. To come back to sanity is to realize that we cannot be separated from God. To know salvation and forgiveness is to restore our sanity.<br />
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The threads of this concept have been ever woven through my tapestry. I saw that thread when I realized that the so called "goodness" I was walking in when I was an ultra-conservative Christian was nothing. It was all vanity and trying to be "good enough" to reach God. It took me many years to realize that I was already perfect to God through the sacrifice of Jesus. For me to deny that by working to be good, was for me to deny that work at Calvary.<br />
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Why build towers of goodness higher and higher to reach God like the tower of Babel? I had spent so much time stacking bricks for nothing. I thought that I had come so far, come to the mountain tops...when I was only making left turns.<br />
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I have also seen the other side of this Psalm. I have made my bed in the depths, I have
thought "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me." I have walked down dark places trying to escape God's presence because, surely I am not good enough, surely I have messed up so bad that there is no coming back this time! But, I was only making left turns.<br />
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In my twisted humor, I picture myself charging off in these directions full speed and see God just shake his head and smile at me as I am actually only making tiny circles in the dust. Wearing a path down in the mud when I should be sitting beside him in the green grass.<br />
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There is nowhere that I need to go. There is nothing that I need to do. I just need to realize that I cannot be separated from God.<br />
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To think otherwise is insanity and the origin of all my troubles, "sins", pains and suffering.<br />
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<i>"I am like God, and God like me. I am as large as God, He is as small as I. He cannot above me, nor I beneath Him be." Selatius, 17th Century.</i>
SAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-67610318535049460692013-10-22T05:46:00.000-07:002013-10-23T06:57:39.253-07:00HelloWell, it has been over a year since I posted. So much has happened and so much has changed that I can't even begin. I am still fighting Chiari every day...it is an incurable brain disorder. We have moved to Georgia to help DH's elderly mother. That is a LONG story.
Life is not what it was..I have changed in so many ways, as has my family. I realized this morning that we have made it through the very fires of hell together. I am grateful for my family...there are not enough words.
I hope to begin writing again, as my health allows. I have days where I just sleep, but I can walk on my own again, cook, clean, drive (some days)and do my best to care for the kiddos.
They are all in school now...homeschooling seems like a distant memory tho I did it for 13 years.
They are growing like weeds and thriving where they are planted currently. My oldest is about 6'1 driving, shredding on guitar and has a wonderful girlfriend that we adore. Life goes so fast.
Things are not perfect, not ordered as I might order it but I am grasping to believe that God has things in line.
I hope to share some of what has transpired but how do I begin to tell of total and radical changes in my body, mind and spirit? How does one begin to tell the story of loss of faith and utter hopelessness once that dark grip has loosened?
How can I tell of the undying devotion and love that I have gotten only from my husband and children in the midst of needing total care?
This has affected all of us in ways that are yet to be seen.
We have lost and gained and grieved and rejoiced and screamed and cried and yet we are still here, being moved forward still.
Today, my heart is full and my mind is quiet. I call that recovery and healing as I know it to be now.
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-26431863534538570332012-04-01T15:25:00.001-07:002012-04-01T15:25:41.928-07:00Isolation?since I have become ill, I have literally lost most of my friends and acquaintances. It's been very hurtful and confusing. Reading that it is a common thing for people to get scared and run from illness does little to make the sick person feel better. I've been lonely and bitter about the sudden isolation. I can't get out to see people either, so that doesn't help. Somedays, when I'm having a bad day and I can't get out of bed, I think about the people I'm missing these days. The last 3 days have been hard. I'm too dizzy to walk. I am finding it hard to want to get out of bed when I know I'm just going to stumble around and hope to not fall. My headaches are severe lately, my arsenal of pain meds don't touch the pain. It's hard to keep going, especially when you feel alone. Today I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to have any of these people in my life. Maybe they are not really what I need. If I need to walk this path with just my husband and kids, that has to be ok. Maybe I don't need anyone else? I know that I have to move forward with or without other people. We have been handling this on our own so far, maybe that is the way God wants it?
Who knows God's will, not me. I do know that I have learned so much about the ways of man, the ways of myself and the reality of hard times. You really, really do see who has your back when the rubber hits the road. Peoples words really mean nothing unless you see the actions too. These are my realities, not written as a downer, just my feelings in writing.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-7809880471895692522012-03-25T01:05:00.000-07:002012-03-25T01:05:46.357-07:00Smart phone my foot! It's tough getting this thing to write on my blog! Hopefully it makes sense. This has been so hard on my family. I wish I could make it go away. I have seen my poor husband doing my job and his. I have to say that I have seen the icky side of people in this too. Like the man beaten and robbed in the ditch being blamed for his misfortunes by the religious right who cross the street to walk by me Most troubling. There have been a few good samaratian moments tho and I God loves me and will
see us thru, with or without anything else.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-3388588353943888882012-03-25T00:48:00.002-07:002012-03-25T00:48:37.624-07:00UpdatesI have a hard time getting my phone to work on blogger well, so this will be quick and forgive the typos, it won't let me correct. Since december I've been admitted to harborview 6 times for complications, have had 2 brain surgeries and currently am at home with a picc line so I can get iv meds for the next month or so as I got a staph infection in my brain somewhere along the line. Still in bed most of the time, going on 6 months of that junk. My chiari is very severe and I still need more surgery someday. For now, I'm still very impaired neurologically, visually etc. I try to get out of bed for longer periods each day to get strong. My chiari was very severe, including a hole in my spinal column. I still need surgery for other parts of my brain being compressed but I'm not strong enough now. Life is radically different. I wish I had a computer here so I could blog all that I'm thinking and learned. It's truly been a journey. My husband is doing my job dvd his, weAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-67365470057200614542012-01-15T17:11:00.000-08:002012-01-15T17:29:14.427-08:00Brain surgeryAmong other things...this past year has been insane. My mother died of lung cancer in june, I lost my job 4 days later and rapidly started getting very ill. My dumb phone won't let me blog well so this will be a quick update. I was bedridden by october with a condition called chiari malformation. Basically, my brain was compressing down into my spinal column. It was extremely severe according to the surgeons so no time was wasted and I was in surgery less than three weeks from diagnosis. I spent two weeks in hospital and am now trying to recover at home. I have an 8 inch incision where they cut my skull open, moved my brain back where it is supposed to be and they left part of the skull off to allow for this to not happen agai<br />I have lots of swelling and other issues still three weeks post op so walking, vision, speech, cognitive ability are still tbd. Since my case was so severe, my dr is surprised that I'm conscious and warns that I may need six months to recover. More later. DawnAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-13015448970283760032010-10-15T13:33:00.000-07:002010-10-15T13:43:32.362-07:00Checking inWell, it's been 3 or so since I've had the time to blog. I'm at work today, on my lunch break.<br />I haven't missed Internet land! Honestly, I am on a computer 8+ hours a day...last thing I want to do is get online when I am off work!<br /><br />Things are going ok...my house is a mess and I am still struggling with how to do all that I have to do...but I think the kids are adjusting well.<br />I fired our babysitter because I can't afford to pay someone to just sit on the couch and do nothing all day. We are getting things in order with Dave, my mom and #1 son all pitching in to organize who watches the kids when.<br /><br />School? Hmmm. In process...that's all I will say.<br /><br />I go back and forth with feeling overwhelmed, guilty and OK with what is going on. I wish there was time to hand out with the kids more, I wish there was time to get my house clean.<br /><br />On a positive note...my marriage has never been better. DH drives me to work each day and most days he comes and has lunch with me. I work about 5 minutes from our house, so that works.<br />We have a regular date now too...essential.<br /><br />I am also seeing SO much that God is for me and that he has not left me alone in all of this change. I am holding onto hope that this is all part of His plan for my life and it will make me stronger.<br />Honestly, I'm not reading anyones blogs these days. It is too hard for me to see all the wonderful things you are getting done with your children each day. It is hard for me to see you express such gratitude at being able to stay home with your families when I cannot do the same. Harsh, but that is my honest feeling.<br /><br />Folks, I'm tired. I won't lie to you. Still, I am learning so much about compassion, grace and forgiveness. I am learning what is truly important in my daily life, and it's not the things I used to think it was. Not at all. I was (in many ways) living a delusion. It is good to have clarity on some fronts even if the lesson is a hard one!<br />Well, my lunch break is over...<br />Later.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-83244786416049189102010-07-31T11:44:00.000-07:002010-07-31T12:09:30.853-07:00Random thoughtsI am finally able to sit down and blog for a few minutes today. We got Internet access back on at home (yippee) and I have a day off. DH happens to be working today and the kiddos are working on chores and things to get ready for #2 son's birthday party today. Ahhh...a moment to write!<br />Things in my life are so busy. I work 40 plus hours a week now. My job is very high pressure and fast paced. I am an Admin/scheduler for a roof maintenance company here in town. It is hard adjusting to being gone all the time. Sometimes dinner happens late at night, sometimes we have to go to the store before we can eat! Especially since DH got busy with his work around the same time I went to work. That was not supposed to happen. We thought he would pursue surgery on his back and be home with the kids. I can't get him to slow down. After having NO income for so long, he is trying to get us caught up. I'm just praying that he can hold out with his back issue.<br />We have a babysitter coming in to help with the kids, not my plan...but it seems to be necessary these days.<br />Life has taken so many twists and turns. There are time I feel guilty, (daily) about no being home all the time. There are times I feel so overwhelmed that I do not know which way to go! Then, there are times that I try and remember to breathe, stop my thoughts and trust that God has the plan for my life. I am following my husbands leading. If he tells me to quit working, it will be time.<br /><br />For now, homeschooling is minimal. I know that I need to plan for next year, but I am not even sure if I will be teaching, or if DH will be teaching. I've thought about public school, but we really do not want to do that. I will go back to no income before that happens.<br /><br />Anyway, that is just an update. Please keep me in your prayers. I need to be sane and have the peace that passes understanding!<br /><br />My thoughts lately and still are with those who do not know God and depend on Him in times of trouble. If I did not have God in my life, what I am doing now would be intolerable. I almost wonder if God is allowing me to go through this current trial to increase my compassion for working moms. I always had the opinion that moms should stay home with their kids and homeschool. I admit that I looked down on moms who worked. I almost had the opinion that they were not as dedicated a mother as I was, when I was at home baking bread and teaching math lessons every day.<br />Perhaps God is teaching me to have a new perspective?<br /><br />I am also moved by so many around me who struggle through addictions and pain. I have always been moved by those bound by addictions.<br /><br />I would love to see a written plan from God on what to do next in my life. I am not thinking that is going to happen anytime soon however. I'm really trying to remember to slow down and take each day as it comes. Things are radically different and I do not know what the next season holds, but I have to be ok where I am today. Con tenement is not easy to hold on to!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-44550932943856715702010-05-26T09:27:00.000-07:002010-05-26T09:30:38.008-07:00Busy busySo much has gone on lately. I am at the college taking classes for computers. Not sure if it will do much good in the long run. I know that it is very hard to be away from home as much as I am...on everyone.<br />Things are very tough right now. I wish I could have something better to say, or something better to report...but we are just struggling so much.<br />These times try our patience, our resolve and even our faith.<br /><br />At the risk of sounding like a real bummer, I won't say too much more. Hope to some day have time to think and blog about what I am thinking! For now, it is pure survival mode.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-91777462478586164172010-04-26T14:11:00.000-07:002010-04-26T14:37:39.711-07:00Another month in the wildernessOh, how I miss blogging. I miss writing. I feel like the words are going to burst out of me at times if I don't get them down on paper or in cyberspace. Unfortunately...my life has taken a complete 180. I am now in an advanced computer class 12 hours a week at the local college. I also am required to work in a job training program 20 hours a week.<br />How does this work for a homeschooling mom of 7 small children? If you have a good answer...let me know! Just kidding...God has this all under control,even if I do not!<br />Strangely enough, it works like it is supposed to work. DH is fighting a really bad back injury and is not able to *work* even though he is too stubborn to stop completely. He is able to be home with the children while I am out in the world. He has taken over the schooling on some scale that we have not yet determined. So we aren't eating the 3 course meals I used to make...we throw together some grilled chicken and veggies last minute and we are good. So, we realize that we are out of milk as I stare at the children's cereal bowls in the morning...oops...they will survive and I can just run down to the local convenience store at any hour of the day or night! <br />We are trying to figure out how to get everything done without me there doing in. A great challenge for the whole family.<br />Some have suggested that we cut the school year short this year and not focus on school much. I am OK with that idea...except we missed so much schooling with moving, me suffering 2 miscarriages and a plethora of other issues, crisis and problems that had to be ironed out this last year. Now, much of our "free time" is spent shuttling DH to doctors, neurosurgeons etc.<br />A big part of me wants #1 son to really be prepared for his future and get that schooling in...of course...there is not much time for me to fixate on that AND I know that I know that I know that God has his future already planned out for him. *WHEW* My brain is full.<br />It is a strange season spiritually as well. I am convinced that I am testing some of my ideas on unconditional love with the Lord. Not a rebellion...just pushing some boundaries of who I thought I had to be and how that looks. I am sure that came through in my previous posts on grace vs. legalism.<br /><br />One thing I wanted to share was that even though I am radically different, seeking, searching and working my butt off out of the house and in...God's spirit is still with me. There are times that I wonder and then I will feel his Spirit prompt me to remember in some old song I love or some comment from a loved one.<br />The most recent was a Metallica song. (I know...we Christians are not *supposed* to listen to HEAVY METAL...sorry...I rarely do what I am *supposed* to do.) Anyway.<br />This is on my phone, for music that I listen to when I am at the gym and the heavy beats and guitar riffs get me working out extra hard. (ever tried to work out to Enya?) A song called "One" came on that almost moved me to tears.<br />The lyrics that got me were only this..."oh, please God wake me"<br />The song goes on to say that the landmine (from a war) had "taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing, taken my arms, taken my legs...taken my soul, left me with life in hell.<br />I know this is a leap, but TO ME...I got so much from that. How often am I hurt and shattered from some experience, or someone trying to box me into a certain mold that I feel just like that wounded man?<br />I can so relate to being blind, deaf, mute and helpless in the face of some onslaught of legalism or control from man. Oh God...please wake me. That is my cry today.<br />I know that God is waking me. Many will not understand or like the changes that I am awakening to but I can attest that they are all about loving God, freedom and reaching out to the prodigals. Not sure what form that will take yet...I have to figure out where I am on my own long march to the Father. Good thing he is standing there with open arms and Jesus is carrying me over the deeper ruts and valleys.<br />Thank God...I am not left alone. EVER. Thank God, the word of God tells me that he would follow me to hell and back.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand will lead me, and your right hand hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will cover me, and the light become night around me," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness and light are both alike to you. </span><em style="font-weight: bold;">(Psalm 139:7-12)</em>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-30434054869071299372010-03-29T16:07:00.001-07:002010-03-29T16:10:11.003-07:00It's been awhile!Still not back online yet and it is really hard to blog on my phone with the teeny keyboard. My brain works so much faster then my fingers.. Oh man, I have so many things to say!!! I am hoping that things get back to normal soon! Until then, don't give up on me...I will be back!<br />DawnAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-44963922753212324862010-02-13T13:41:00.000-08:002010-02-13T14:20:49.407-08:00Speaking of LoveI was reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer this morning and came across this; It totally blew me away. I had just posted on love yesterday and was praying about what love means. This is such a powerful passage. I hope it goes deep with you!<div><br /><div>"Jesus Christ stands between the lover and the others he loves. I do not know in advance what love of others means on the basis of the general idea of love that grows out of my human desires-all this may rather be hatred and an insidious kind of selfishness in the eyes of Christ. What love is, only Christ tells in his Word.</div><div>Contrary to all my own opinions and convictions, Jesus Christ will tell me what love toward the brethren really is. Therefore, spiritual love is bound solely to the Word of Jesus Christ. Where Christ bids me to maintain fellowship for the sake of love, I will maintain it.</div><div>Where his truth enjoins me to dissolve a fellowship for loves sake, there I will dissolve it, despite all the protests of my human love. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because spiritual love does not desire but rather serves, it loves an enemy as a brother. It originates neither in the brother nor in the enemy but in Christ and his Word. </div><div><br /></div><div>Human love can never understand spiritual love, for spiritual love is from above; it is something completely strange, new and incomprehensible to all earthly love.</div><div>Because Christ stands between me and others, I dare not desire direct fellowship with them. As only Christ can speak to me in such as what that I may be saved, so others too, can be saved only by Christ himself.</div><div><br /></div><div>This means that I must release the other person from every attempt of mine to regulate, coerce and dominate him with my love. The other person needs to retain his independence from me; to be loved for what he is, as one for who Christ became man, died and rose again, for whom Christ bought forgiveness of sins and eternal life. Because Christ has long since acted decisively for my brother, before I could begin to act, I must leave him to his freedom to be Christ's; I must meet him only as the person that he already is in Christ's eyes.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is the meaning of the proposition that we can meet others only through the mediation of Christ. Human love constructs its own image of the other person, of what he is and what he should become. It takes the life of the other person into its own hands. </div><div><br /></div><div>Spiritual love recognizes the true image of the other person which has has received from Jesus Christ; that image that Jesus Christ himself embodied and would stamp upon all men.</div><div>Therefore, Spiritual love proves itself in that everything it says and does commends Christ. It will not seek to move others by all too personal, direct influence, by impure interferences in the life of another. </div><div>It will not take pleasure in pious, human fervor and excitement. It will rather meet the other person with the clear Word of God and be ready to leave him alone with this Word for a long time, willing to release him him again in order that Christ may heal with him.</div><div><br /></div><div>It will respect the line that hes been drawn between him and us by Christ, and it will find full fellowship with him in the Christ who alone binds us together.</div><div>Thus this spiritual love will speak more to Christ about a brother than to a brother about Christ. It knows that the most direct way to others is always through prayer to Christ and that love of others is wholly dependent upon the truth of Christ. It is out of this love that John the disciple speaks "I have no greater jot than to hear that my children walk in truth" (3 John 4)</div><div><br /></div><div>Human love lives by uncontrolled and uncontrollable dark desires; spiritual love lives in the clear light of service ordered by the truth.</div><div>Human love produces subjection, dependence, constraint; spiritual love creates <i>freedom </i>of the brethren under the Word.</div><div>Human love breeds hothouse flowers;spiritual love creates the fruits that grows heartily in accord with God's good will in the rain and storm and sunshine of God's outdoors.</div><div>The existence of any Christian life together depends on whether it succeeds at the right time in bringing about the ability to distinguish between a human ideal and God's reality, between spiritual and human community."</div><div><br /></div><div>Dietrich Bonhoeffer-Life Together.</div><div><i><br /></i></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-34695422698315028582010-02-12T15:45:00.000-08:002010-02-12T19:39:58.681-08:00changes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyphenhyphenqqntSZn8t2aYqmMbNUHEr9PatuCHYeBlg4YQ_COzOCG7u3l6V4D8PnAo1QmsWe0WyCYYaG1Yy84PRXLFYzfzP2d_4ocUhmB_3oEFvecDWqfAk7A9MK1ExVaFCG2s_JMy2qWFh2A7Xqb/s1600-h/images.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 98px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyphenhyphenqqntSZn8t2aYqmMbNUHEr9PatuCHYeBlg4YQ_COzOCG7u3l6V4D8PnAo1QmsWe0WyCYYaG1Yy84PRXLFYzfzP2d_4ocUhmB_3oEFvecDWqfAk7A9MK1ExVaFCG2s_JMy2qWFh2A7Xqb/s200/images.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5437520981338806290" /></a><br />Lately I have been thinking a lot about change. There is so much change always swirling around me. At times I am so resistant of change. Let's face it...change is hard. Recently however, I am embracing, almost seeking change in my life. Change in my thoughts, change in my attitudes. I want so much to go to a new place in my head and my heart.<br /><br />Life has been interesting these past 3 years. Lots of loss, lots of desert wanderings for me and lots of pain. I can say that God has been faithful through it all. I might not have always recognized that...but my acceptance of the truth does not change the fact that it is valid.<br /><br />Now, I feel that God is calling me to more change and I am excited by the prospect. Already I can see that He has been moving me slowly, lovingly through all the turmoil of these past years.<br /><br />Things that bothered me even 4 or 5 months ago have ceased to concern me...especially things such as what other people think of me, or if I am accepted or rejected. <div><br /></div><div>I believe that the pruning that God has done in my life have made me have less fear of man. It is very freeing. I have to admit that I would not (then) have chosen to walk through the pain willingly...but now that I see the fruit, I believe that I will choose change again. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now that I see what God had in store with each lesson, the loss no longer seems to matter to me. Funny how we hold so tightly to things, dreams and relationships that are not the best thing for us. I am very humbled and thankful that God truly holds the better plan for our lives.<br /><br />One thing I see glaringly as I look at life through the filter of these changes, is the rampant insistence that I am somehow supposed to change others, or to win others over to a different belief systems. I am not even talking about witnessing to non-Christians. I am referring to believers and how we treat one another.<br /><br />Everyone has an ideology, an opinion or a pet conviction that they are fervently sharing and defending. It is passion for our beliefs that makes our lives worth living...is it not? It is the essence of being alive and being awake and aware that energizes me and encourages me.<br /><br />I am all for standing up for what the Word of God teaches us. I am all for seeking a higher level in our walk.<br /><br />It is when people take things that are "preference issues and make them into sin issues" (thanks Sara for that wording) that I draw the proverbial line in the sand, cross my arms and refuse to go any further. I admit that I can get very rebellious in those moments. This to me is when it is no longer about love.<br />It is when I see fellow brothers and sisters mocked, shamed and deserted for not lining up to these preferences that my heart breaks and my blood boils. In the back biting and obvious disdain that we show others...I am devastated.<br /><br />How have we gotten so far from God's intentions for love? Why are we so threatened when someone does not believe exactly as we do about everything? Can someone else disagreeing with us, arguing with us....even shunning us for what we believe actually change it? If so...then we really do not hold that belief very dear, or take it very seriously to begin with. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have been reading a lot of books on China lately, and some of the things that Mao did during the Cultural Revolution and the atrocoties that resulted from that. It all came down to Mao insisting that all of China line up with his beliefs and ideas no matter what the cost. Millions lost their lives, their freedom, their entire way of life. China was desemated by his policies and laws...culturally, financially and spiritually raped my their "Great Chairman". </div><div>No one was allowed to disagree with him about anything. </div><div>If I consider history carefully, great caution flags should go up in my heart when I see myself pushing my beliefs on others<br /><br />When someone struggles, questions their faith or even out right commits a sin, why is it that we as the Body of Christ pick up our arms and attack them in their most vulnerable moments? </div><div><br />There were times that I questioned many things. Things that I had previously declared to be immovable beliefs. The very shadow of doubt crossing my mind caused me tremendous confusion and pain. It did not seem right to question.<br />It was in those dark moments that I looked around me and witnessed horror, hatred and fear on the faces around me. My doubt and pain seemed to elicit an extreme reaction in the minds of others.<br /><br />Those terrible dark moments have passed, or a reprieve has been granted, in any case I am stronger for having walked through it. God is good, all the time. </div><div><br /></div><div>It has left me with a softer approach to those who are grinning through their own pain and walking blindly in their own doubts and fears.<br /><br />I have also learned a very valuable lesson on true love. When a brother or sister is suffering, hurting, running or sinning that is NOT the time for me to get on my high horse and lecture, preach, condemn or shame them back to the truth, be that my imagined truth or the real truth whichever I am consumed with in that moment.<br /><br />My job is to love them. <div><br /></div><div>I know I have said that before in previous blogs. What I am learning though it that I really have to mean it. I have to practice unconditional love even if...you fill in the blanks.<br />Easier said than done. True love hurts. Ask Jesus about that. </div><div><br /></div><div>True love means that we do not care if our beliefs are threatened (as if that were possible) if our feelings are hurt or if the receiver of our love is all together unworthy. Even if they never love us back., even if they never change. True love means that we give until it hurts and keep on going.</div><div><br />True love is one way. I give, 100% and expect nothing in return. True love means that I allow people to fall apart, question, rage or defy without assuming that they have walked away from God or from pursuing righteousness. Without somehow feeling superior to them. Looking down y nose from my mountain top...forgetting the very valley I just came through.</div><div><br />True love means that I give people the room to bump their heads, to grow and to change without stepping in with anything other than open arms and a pure heart toward them.<br /></div><div>God help me!</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-31710182669124482732010-01-29T13:57:00.001-08:002010-02-01T23:08:44.986-08:00Thought provoking articleThis is written by Reb Bradley <br />http://www.familyministries.com/HS_Crisis.htmAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-15688046118266287532010-01-16T13:05:00.000-08:002010-01-16T13:22:58.351-08:00It's been a while!I haven't had a spare moment to blog since we moved around the first. I am loving "my" new house. It is a rental...but so feels like home. We went from about 1,000 sq ft. to 2400 sq ft. It is wonderful to have space. The kids seem happier and are fighting less. They aren't on top of each other anymore!<br /><br />There is even a huge home school/play room downstairs. The drums and pianos are down there, so music lessons can be done without disturbing everyone. There are 4 bedrooms...plenty of room for the 9 of us. I am so thankful for the blessing of this house.<br />I also thankful for the blessing of every house I have lived in. So many do not have homes. I remember what it was like to not have a home for a while.<br /><br />Now that we are five minutes away from it, we joined the YMCA again...to get some much needed exercise. I was a member for many years before we moved to the sticks. Good to be back. Cutting our Starbucks will pay for it, along with a generous discount from the Y. Did you know that you can apply for reduced membership fees in hard times? Who knew. Another huge blessing. <br /><br />I have been overwhelmed by the goodness of God and people. In 2 weeks time we were given gift cards for Christmas (anonymously) a tree and all the decorations on Christmas Eve, a man in Fred Meyer gave us $100,(I know!) a table and 6 chairs to do school on, a computer for the kids to use, an overhead projector for all those wonderful history transparencies I have been packing around all this time...not to mention a washer, vacuum, kitchen things and 2 more bookshelves. Talk about blessings overflowing. God is so good. <br /><br />I took a small accounting job here at home, it lasted about 14 hours over 4 days. It was a challenge at first to find the time to do it with the kids and my husband and still keep up on schooling and the house. I did, but it meant getting up at 5 a.m. to work. I am hoping that I get more gigs like that. Perfect for our family in these times. It felt really good to make some money and use my skills!<br />The day I got paid, my brakes went out so I was able to have them fixed that day. Isn't it great how God looks out for the needs not yet here?<br /><br />There are a lot of things going around in my head...I hope to blog soon on my latest thoughts.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-65197551568559093372009-12-31T13:29:00.000-08:002009-12-31T13:39:08.451-08:00<span style="color:#ff6600;">The following post really spoke to me. It was written about 3 years ago, but so true for me today. I got it from this site www.nakedpastor.com. <br />It is a pretty edgy and raw site, just one reason I like it. It will challenge your conventional thought patterns however, so be warned. I do not agree with everything on this site, but then again I would not be living in reality if I thought that I had to agree with everything that everyone said, thought or felt, would I? As I have said before...another opinion cannot change my belief!<br />Dawn</span><br /><br /><br />"This is eternal life, that they may know you" (John 17:3). This verse got me thinking the other day about the fullness of life in the here and now. Then I read Chambers sometime this weekend, and he also says that knowing God in Christ is "one amazing, glorious NOW!" This is the fullness of the moment, doxology, benediction, blessing, abundance, right now, this second.<br /><br />I didn't preach yesterday. My good friend and co-pastor Doug Mawer did. But I lead worship. I am a part of a congregation and movement that has a history of desiring more of God's presence. But while I lead worship, I was impressed by the fact that God is fully present, right now. I don't have to work anything up, or conjure up his presence. God in Christ is fully present as he promised. <span style="color:#ff6600;"><strong><span style="color:#000000;">The problem isn't that God needs to be more fully present. The problem is that I need to be more fully present with God. That's always the problem. It's our thinking that is deficient.</span></strong> (I LOVE this)<br /><br /></span>Which gets me thinking about good friends of mine who feel alienated from the church. For many of them, their experience of church has been painful and frustrating. I think, for many of them, it stems back to this false belief that God isn't really present, and that we can work it up by purity, heartfelt emotion, knowledge, intensity, and intention. In other words: by our desires, wills and efforts. Many people immediately see through that never-ending spiral downward into religiosity. They, like me, have no tolerance for that anymore.<br /><br />Can we as a church affirm to people that God is with them in Christ? Can we tell people the good news that the Kingdom of God is HERE, right now? Can we tell people, that without any work on their part, that they have been reconciled to God through Christ? That is the cure to the religiosity that is, frankly, destroying true fellowship.<br />David HaywardAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-36742865188678334772009-12-29T14:11:00.000-08:002009-12-29T14:34:28.617-08:00Just a thoughtI know that many of us are trying to be a meet helper to our husbands, but do we really listen when he speaks?<br />I know that you are trying to follow God and be His bride, but do we really listen when He speaks?<br /><br />This scenario went through a conversation I had with an old friend late last night.<br /><br />My husband has told me for years "Don't worry" and I just took it as a comment that really did not mean I had to do anything. Something to say when I asked about what to do about such-and-such or whatever current crisis or issue in my life.<br />I am sure I would sluff it off and continue to fret, just not out loud anymore. <br /><br />Later, in some heated discussion, he would tell me that I never listen to him.<br />"WHAT" I would ask incredulously, I do my best to be a good wife, I ask you before I schedule anything to see if you are willing, I try to consider your needs and fulfill them, I cook your favorite meals, I tend to the children as you wish, I do....I do.....I do.... (works, works, works)<br />But...did I listen? Did I, in fact cease to worry about whatever it was? <strike>Probably not.</strike> No.<br />Was he saying that to control me? Was he saying it to get me to shut up? Well...let's not go there. :)<br />No. He had my best interest in mind. <br />Did he say it forcefully? No, he is not out to control me or make me do anything. He wants me to trust him. To cease to worry for my own good. He wants me to believe that it will be OK and to refuse to allow my own dark, twisty-ness to overwhelm my thoughts.<br /><br />As I was talking about this to my friend, we marveled at how much like God this is. God tells us something for a reason. Not with flashing signs and sirens, but quietly, gently. He expects us to listen to him as well. For our own good.<br />God does not ask us to do, do, do for Him either. Simply to listen and obey. To trust that He has it all worked out, to not worry. To be with Him.<br /><br />How often do we ignore that? Do we worry and fret? Do we love our neighbors and the sinners as we should? Did we not hear Him the first time?<br /><br />Wow. Learning to listen. Learning to apply what we hear in the chaos of our fretful minds and fearful hearts. What a challenge, what an opportunity. Having a husband to practice listening to for the right reasons...what a blessing. A marriage made by God. Not always easy, but so amazing.<br />Just a thoughtAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-33254899440277004442009-12-19T12:26:00.000-08:002009-12-19T15:40:37.463-08:00What does the Prodigal see when he looks at me?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1vCdCUOnqA3mTZi_DNzBfb-kOpnYhDgBTZF0OsCjY7WnIc9acUry8_8MROVw20vgPOav1Qv6KTG62LW-zgteiu5ThUNCu6eFi9IvO_1PtHdHxulcH_cls4sEk7g971HHhgtzqZ7YKdqe/s1600-h/pe0025385.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 170px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 113px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417088859355078770" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1vCdCUOnqA3mTZi_DNzBfb-kOpnYhDgBTZF0OsCjY7WnIc9acUry8_8MROVw20vgPOav1Qv6KTG62LW-zgteiu5ThUNCu6eFi9IvO_1PtHdHxulcH_cls4sEk7g971HHhgtzqZ7YKdqe/s200/pe0025385.jpg" /></a><br /><div>One of my all time favorite songs is a Vineyard songs from the CD called "Fathers house". It is about 15 years old, I guess. The whole CD is about the Prodigals that are out there still searching, and the Prodigal in all of us. I was just remembering some of the songs today. <br /><br />How easy it is to forget that God's heart is for the lost and the seeking. How easy to get so wrapped up in the vain pursuits of increasing our own "goodness" while so many of His precious children are yet wandering in darkness. I am guilty here.<br /><br />I was reminded of a conversation that I had in the past. An acquaintance and I had occasion to spend more time together and get to know each other better. As we became friends, this person confessed to me that they "had me figured all wrong". That I was not like the others. </div><div>They told me that they had this whole idea of what a Christian, conservative, homeschool mom would be like and they had put me into that box when they first had met me. </div><div></div><div>I remember being so shocked that they would think that of me. After all...I am a little rough around the edges and pretty transparent with my failings as a Christian. I know that I am not perfect, thank God.<br /><br />My heart just broke when I heard them tell me what they had <em>thought</em> I would be like. Or what they <em>thought</em> I would expect of them. I grieved for the lost time. Lost to unreal expectations, lost to fear, lost to lies. </div><div>I grieved for the shame and fear that I saw so exposed before my eyes.<br />They thought that they had to hide who they were around me. Not because I ever did anything to make them feel that way, just because I am a Christian. There was a wall between us that kept me out.<br /><br />They thought that I would judge them for things in their life that were not "Christian" enough. They thought that I would shun them if they slipped up and used colorful language or if they had a drink or a smoke. They were terrified for me to see who they were. Hiding in the dark, waiting for me to throw stones.<br /><br />This person is an honest seeker. Looking for the love of Jesus and having a hard time finding it among the Body. I know that I am not responsible for what someone else thinks, or how they perceive things. I just could not help but wonder how many times I have come off as "too Christian" for someone to approach me.<br /><br />I am glad to say that we were able to build a bridge between our hearts, for however brief our time together was...that bridge will always be there. With compassion, love and acceptance I can pave the way for Jesus to walk across that bridge from my heart to another.<br /></div><div>Acceptance of a person does not mean that we condone sinful behavior. It is not my job to do that. Not to change them, lecture them, convert them or judge them. My job is to love them. Love them when they are unlovable, when they fall apart and when things are on top of their game.<br /><br />My own conversion took place in this way. I was also sitting in the dark, ducking stones from well meaning Christians. Sadly, many whizzed by my head a long time. I remember feeling so outcast and so angry. I wondered why I would want anything to do with a God whose followers would treat me that way.<br />The righteous ones who told me all about how wrong I was, and how bad I was...only pushed me farther from Jesus.<br /><br />Finally I met some Christians who understood grace, redemption and compassion because they could remember what it was like to be chained in the dark, outcast and ashamed. They took me in where I was and loved me to the Lord.<br />What a gift they gave me. I never felt condemned. I was never told that I was not good enough. I was not told that I had to change anything. They let the Holy Spirit handle all that. They just loved me. Unconditionally.<br /><br />I wonder if in fear have I shut out the Prodigals in my life?<br />How many times do I hear Christians make excuses for building protective walls between themselves and the world? If I had a dime for every time....well, you know the rest. How many times, did I follow that same thought pattern and hide away from the hands reaching out all around me? No thank you, I can't help you today...I am late for bible study...or whatever.<br /><br />I think that there is so much fear that we will be polluted by the world that we shun it, judge it and hide away from it. This reminds me of the parable of the good Samaritan.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Gospel of Luke chapter 10, verses 25-37<br /><br />One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?” The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!” The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”<br /><br />Jesus then replied with a story:<br /><br />“A Jewish man was traveling on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Levite walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’ </span></div><br /><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">“Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked. The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”</span></div><br /><div><span style="color:#ff0000;">Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”<br /><br /></span>The Priest and Levite passed by the wounded man on the road for various reasons. They were God's own servants, too busy with temple (church) business, too scared or just too unwilling to touch the untouchable. The pagan Samaritan stopped and helped and went above and beyond.<br /><br />I think that as a Christian, there can be fear to step outside of the safely constructed box of protection that the Church offers. By Church, I do not mean the building or the congregation. I mean the whole deal. The activities, the works if you will, the attitudes, the groups, the people, the things that we do, say and pretend to be in order to feel like we are OK. </div><div>Do you know what I mean? </div><br /><br />People are all along the roads that we walk on. Lonely, hurting and confused.<br />There is so much fear that I hear, the fear of getting polluted by the world. I believe that God is bigger than that. He who is in you, is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4)<br /><br />The One who is more than enough is inside of you. If you are in Christ Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the One who is more is inside of you. Because of this we have overcome. To hear many Christians talk, you would think the one who is less is on the inside of them.<br /><br />There is no one who can change what I believe. They can say and do what they want. My faith is secure. Wild horses could not drag me away. Seeing someone who is not following God cannot make me do the same. My children seeing me love someone who is not a Christian will not make them fall off the path. My God is a big God. I am not afraid of those who do not believe what I believe. They no longer threaten me.<br /><br />When I talk about reaching people, I am not even talking about things that I used to do with God. Reaching the <span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffff00">alcoholic</span>, the homeless and the abused. Ministering in the local church tirelessly or volunteering in a worthy charity. Those things are not possible for me right now. I have small children, I can't be doing the things that I did then. At least, not for awhile.<br /><br />I CAN love and accept those who cross my path. I can befriend the lonely and love them where they are. I can choose to not fear or judge those who are not like me. After all, no one but God sees their heart. I can smile at the grocery clerk, the one with the hard eyes. I can befriend those who are not like me.<br /><br />Here is a challenge I asked myself today...How many non-Christians are in your life? Not even non-Christians...how many Christians that are not just like you, are there in your life? How many would you call a friend?<br /><br />How can I reach anyone if I stay inside my own circle? Is my circle enclosed with barbed wire, is it shrinking every day? What does someone have to do in order to pass the guards that I have posted around my circles? You know the ones...rules, laws, acceptable behavior, belief systems and all of the rest.<br />How can I reach anyone with the love of Christ if I make them agree to a 10 page code of conduct before I talk to them?<br /><br />Lots of questions. I hope I can answer them in my own heart soon. I believe that love is the first step. I believe I need a new understanding of love and just how far reaching it is.<br />DawnAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-16984690801508288502009-12-11T16:27:00.001-08:002009-12-11T17:01:53.642-08:00Perspective<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSyDRmpBc7mWtLJSEotgVPEjYDm83Fu9lApZ5QrWf9vHpBF9-wNFi0XzqciNvGgda6RhKOKKJd2iwd-o8N2i7VeFl3r7kJIohgeROCRvTeihj1LNJFf4kFCbUrniBcCWbmPjwC1DLNAS9e/s1600-h/danielblocks.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414140006236626594" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSyDRmpBc7mWtLJSEotgVPEjYDm83Fu9lApZ5QrWf9vHpBF9-wNFi0XzqciNvGgda6RhKOKKJd2iwd-o8N2i7VeFl3r7kJIohgeROCRvTeihj1LNJFf4kFCbUrniBcCWbmPjwC1DLNAS9e/s200/danielblocks.jpg" /></a><br /><br />This was one of those light bulb moments for me. Yesterday in school, my Artist boy was supposed to make those block things into hundreds, tens and ones columns respectively.<br />I gave him the page and the blocks, asked him to make the right amounts in the right spots and turned my attention to my Philosopher and graphing out height differences in famous skyscrapers. (Ah, homeschool math!)<br />A few moments later, he shows me what he has done.<br /><br /><div align="left">I thought it was very clever. In fact, it made my heart swell and I actually giggled out loud! It showed me that he thinks outside the box and is very creative. That's the heart of an artist! Not news to me...aren't all of our children wonderfully talented and brilliant?<br /><br />It also showed me how different perspective can be from person to person.<br /><br />He took what I said and ran it through his filters and this is what he interpreted it to be.<br /><br />It really made me think of other times I have said things and gotten a different outcome than I expected. It was not the other persons fault that I had those expectations. It was all a matter of perspective.<br /><br />I did not tell him that he did the assignment "wrong". He simply took the limited information I gave him and made it work. If I had shown him<br />e-x-a-c-t-l-y how to lay those blocks out in the right way, then we would talk about direction following skills!<br /><br />I think that many of our issues in life can be avoided and solved if we will just stop and remember that not everyone has the same understanding, perspective, experiences and filters that we do. Not everyone will have the same response. That is the beauty of God's imaginative creation. Not all of us are alike.<br /><br />I am going to try and remember this when I ask my children to do something that they have not done before and I am surprised at the results. I am going to try and remember that I am responsible for my interruptions, expectations and reactions.<br /><br />Many times, I can get all bent out of shape by what someone says (usually in an e-mail where you cannot judge tone and intent) I have been so blown away that things I thought I understood were totally way off base or that something I said has been totally misinterpreted.<br /><br />Seems like such a simple thing to grasp, not new ideas for me by any means...this just was like a light bulb moment all over again for me. A reminder to stop and consider where someone else might be coming from.<br /><br />When someone is rude to me, say in the grocery store on in traffic. I too often get irritated and think only of myself. I need to consider what may be going on with that person. Are they ill, stressed, mourning or struggling in some other way. What pains are hidden behind those cranky eyes that confront me in the world around me?<br />It is just not about me. It really just isn't (I have to keep telling myself that...)<br /><br />I would love to have the discipline and maturity to consider others first in this respect. To not be easily offended and to seek to bridge the distance from my heart to theirs. I believe this is real Christianity in action.<br /><br />When a friend says something hurtful...will I stop and consider what distress they may be in that caused that unloving word? How easy it should be to have that compassion on those we love. How often it is not that way. I know that I tend to have less grace on my husband for example if he is cranky. How much harder will it be to practice that with all people?<br /><br />I read something today that also goes along with this theme. I get the Voice of the Martyrs devotion daily sent to my cool new Internet phone, so I read this devotion before I get out of bed. Anyway...today was about a woman in China was was beaten for not renouncing Christ. She was tortured and killed by her captors. Before she died, she wrote a prayer down asking for the <span style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffff00">grace</span> not only to endure her trials, but asking God to have pity on her tormentors at the same time.<br />Reminds me of the prayer of our Lord on the cross, in the face of unimaginable pain and torment..when he asked God to forgive those who hurt him...<br />"for they know now what they do".<br /><br />Oh that I would be able to have the same attitude in my minor trials and run in's with my family and the world.<br />Blessings to you.<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-61386683770725740852009-12-08T11:56:00.001-08:002009-12-08T13:10:41.347-08:00My baby's first birthday photos<span style="font-size:180%;color:#ff0000;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!<br /></span><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHG9o5VhxF9ipSAR-0SrlZZcriYuYm09Xdci2j7BIHiJfjaPuwKpyU4ujFPsVHJsIfUlh6XpgLdma1XmohUVwk0dWKlwByN0wUfVstHL1qzN5b3BTqmjxw6DaqfVRLIuxWXKw4ZWdAWL9/s1600-h/PB240015.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966568436430994" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHG9o5VhxF9ipSAR-0SrlZZcriYuYm09Xdci2j7BIHiJfjaPuwKpyU4ujFPsVHJsIfUlh6XpgLdma1XmohUVwk0dWKlwByN0wUfVstHL1qzN5b3BTqmjxw6DaqfVRLIuxWXKw4ZWdAWL9/s200/PB240015.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div>The Heze-nator's birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year so the older kids made Pilgrim and Indian hats as party decorations for fun. They had fun acting out the Thanksgiving story over and over.</div><div></div><div>This baby boy has been such a blessing to our family. He is always happy and smiling. I am grateful for him!<br /><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWcRbuamHZK_xzRk6JWpU8_Q5An5Ip97tIh4B1VXSbRgIZjZFn7h6N00gzjpyPoxqujQhANPJkbjNjX7DEnsHPl4nlTAh07kq4Fqp9wJouDE5mGcblcjCK0c4UZlVl_Uk6vm9vnU4ZBgAM/s1600-h/PB240016.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966565315431442" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWcRbuamHZK_xzRk6JWpU8_Q5An5Ip97tIh4B1VXSbRgIZjZFn7h6N00gzjpyPoxqujQhANPJkbjNjX7DEnsHPl4nlTAh07kq4Fqp9wJouDE5mGcblcjCK0c4UZlVl_Uk6vm9vnU4ZBgAM/s200/PB240016.JPG" /></a><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br />Ready to attack the enemy!<br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi646o44fvT7SJUTfGhoYbu_LEp4ZaRl9O80zW50OxOmRZTjcnIbe55gFrL2YjvdE5osfphqnNl_LlbaqWcfPIMJUDb5uDHpL8hNt1F8_R87SSlAQQLjSsniTWyqYz750i3IBOxLwzkSZLo/s1600-h/PB240055.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412957145800675538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi646o44fvT7SJUTfGhoYbu_LEp4ZaRl9O80zW50OxOmRZTjcnIbe55gFrL2YjvdE5osfphqnNl_LlbaqWcfPIMJUDb5uDHpL8hNt1F8_R87SSlAQQLjSsniTWyqYz750i3IBOxLwzkSZLo/s200/PB240055.JPG" /></a></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div>I tried to use "Thanksgiving colors" for his first birthday cake...I like how it turned out.<br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy7kBorH42rGc2XhIOetspTBGcoFrAgiTAYWBnaTJyW8D642szBnWePJaQSlsIWafo_uxAQjlJ7YvCMgaJ6bH65iSFtsmokVLiJHH_PwIb80GeVcrms3jP-fziPWqYioosnEiHS69ipTvX/s1600-h/PB240059.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966554797646450" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy7kBorH42rGc2XhIOetspTBGcoFrAgiTAYWBnaTJyW8D642szBnWePJaQSlsIWafo_uxAQjlJ7YvCMgaJ6bH65iSFtsmokVLiJHH_PwIb80GeVcrms3jP-fziPWqYioosnEiHS69ipTvX/s200/PB240059.JPG" /></a><br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAtjdovJOrC2_NSQfMC5MTtvIkmG7cGqJ3LvIGjC88viyLjF2PLZaNOu6GIVK7LBlBn0Hbi32J1R8-pa2dSt6Fv4xe6Qsh2lylzIBpJyaW0qdmEfyCkKLfnT7XdLTeMtzXOJyDiIxkWNAi/s1600-h/PB240062.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966550873121410" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAtjdovJOrC2_NSQfMC5MTtvIkmG7cGqJ3LvIGjC88viyLjF2PLZaNOu6GIVK7LBlBn0Hbi32J1R8-pa2dSt6Fv4xe6Qsh2lylzIBpJyaW0qdmEfyCkKLfnT7XdLTeMtzXOJyDiIxkWNAi/s200/PB240062.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ZkyD4ESdCL2iMB-jX8aY21W0Kv0dqbJZlBxuygeXGp1yKSfJMK-W6oojICf2-bmkTENucM65vCo6XCuYXwVqczGmliWCKH1DDbZgGp7vitn3677ABkLzw0BWapV17UNypG6Cp7rwydRU/s1600-h/PB240066.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966542029054114" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ZkyD4ESdCL2iMB-jX8aY21W0Kv0dqbJZlBxuygeXGp1yKSfJMK-W6oojICf2-bmkTENucM65vCo6XCuYXwVqczGmliWCKH1DDbZgGp7vitn3677ABkLzw0BWapV17UNypG6Cp7rwydRU/s200/PB240066.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVvukQHhI2QAdZWWubMaxh087w7QoNhcpKM1hy5vbHmDj_96CqdcSSh8z59cLZVERkPwVTtt2b5UCVn_e393dovEkjEu6g5johmwtOvpIPlWxwTjb17afYxKhn-Q4wKah76qYfvKsfdel/s1600-h/PB240048.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412957137757113922" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVvukQHhI2QAdZWWubMaxh087w7QoNhcpKM1hy5vbHmDj_96CqdcSSh8z59cLZVERkPwVTtt2b5UCVn_e393dovEkjEu6g5johmwtOvpIPlWxwTjb17afYxKhn-Q4wKah76qYfvKsfdel/s200/PB240048.JPG" /></a><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br />Ride em' cowboy!<br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZWxeQezsZahkkoYshGrj7X4_csUPWZKZ-lwTFqYgUt327ljKSTwnOtVS90GcnWtipqcQus2eVP65RIFpTBZKByER4d0_whW17Wj-J3NpyNon9mou8XrLqtoYCj_XgaS8eFIPqfYDR0Rkv/s1600-h/PB240034.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412957127833017474" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZWxeQezsZahkkoYshGrj7X4_csUPWZKZ-lwTFqYgUt327ljKSTwnOtVS90GcnWtipqcQus2eVP65RIFpTBZKByER4d0_whW17Wj-J3NpyNon9mou8XrLqtoYCj_XgaS8eFIPqfYDR0Rkv/s200/PB240034.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2P-0JpCw9XTHZbLGmHjhMjG6WyrZCV3SMnIi2MzEu8otaP0JcyaeV2RJCqzGGujw3Mbhl0-0xwrsj18Guna3dUs2jeSMnrjEM8kmP77IwK4hGYh2mZDIUBdl_aD8umAHDg1A4c0GEByk4/s1600-h/PB240029.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412957125004670434" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2P-0JpCw9XTHZbLGmHjhMjG6WyrZCV3SMnIi2MzEu8otaP0JcyaeV2RJCqzGGujw3Mbhl0-0xwrsj18Guna3dUs2jeSMnrjEM8kmP77IwK4hGYh2mZDIUBdl_aD8umAHDg1A4c0GEByk4/s200/PB240029.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmo559vGbjhsZT-dTkQdIoO6tgvp6Fz_2BHyAUsF1g0dpySniaEBIKG3AOhxtbtBoiWzsfuJunGvZ7mrDYnT0Qoj62HcRD5SFVVkNPUuIGxdOZ6i366JDdg6mUeD3M5LyNzT3cX1yD57Dd/s1600-h/PB240020.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412957121716764770" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmo559vGbjhsZT-dTkQdIoO6tgvp6Fz_2BHyAUsF1g0dpySniaEBIKG3AOhxtbtBoiWzsfuJunGvZ7mrDYnT0Qoj62HcRD5SFVVkNPUuIGxdOZ6i366JDdg6mUeD3M5LyNzT3cX1yD57Dd/s200/PB240020.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>One happy boy! We love you Heze.</div></div></div></div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-17795778094297463952009-12-07T18:36:00.000-08:002009-12-08T11:55:37.245-08:00Love this post!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_QLpifYbRdxw/Sx2-tttT3qI/AAAAAAAAAuM/IUgmgIYgZ50/s1600-h/sbg001.gif"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 148px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412692019742236322" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_QLpifYbRdxw/Sx2-tttT3qI/AAAAAAAAAuM/IUgmgIYgZ50/s200/sbg001.gif" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My pal <a href="http://http//makingthepenniesscream.blogspot.com/">Carrie</a>..who is such an intuitive person and really knows her friends....<a href="http://http//www.wearethatfamily.com/2009/12/raising-my-children-to-be-christians.html">read this post</a> and thought that I would agree with it! I DO!<br />*Update... if the link will not work, here is the address*<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.wearethatfamily.com/2009/12/raising-my-children-to-be-christians.html">http://www.wearethatfamily.com/2009/12/raising-my-children-to-be-christians.html</a><br /><br /><br />I am always seeking the balance to allow God to move in my children's hearts and not only seek behavior modification alone. It is a LONG journey to realness and reality for me. I fall back into works and trying in my own strength every minute it seems. With all that has gone on here lately...I have been really grouchie and down...that does not make for great parenting. My children see the real me more often than I want then to! I need posts like this one to remind me that even if I blow it and do not act "Christian" all the time, that God still loves and I am still in his arms. Same goes for my kids!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I think that one really needs to read this and understand that it is not about letting children run wild or behave badly, but more about allowing the Holy Spirit to move in their hearts. More about not letting fear of what others think dictate how we parent. At least that is my take on it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I know many will not grasp this concept...everytime I talk about grace or allowing the Holy Spirit to move I find myself going around and around in discussions about how we are responsible for training our children and all of that. SO not what this is about!<br /><br /><br />I agree that we are to train our children. I do. I train my children...I fail a lot and I succeed sometimes. I have not gotten the perfect parent thing down yet. Thank God...cause I think he has other, bigger plans for our family then just perfect kids, you know?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Thanks Carrie for thinking of me...I am always touched my how thoughtful you are!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />DawnAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-379640613660660508.post-70760219519489453492009-11-29T12:11:00.000-08:002009-11-29T12:17:07.081-08:00Family UpdateThings have been very difficult this past week. Unfortunately, I miscarried our precious baby. Not only did that happen, but the miscarriage did not go well and after a week of trying to do it naturally with the help of my midwife, trying medications from my OB and getting very, very ill...I ended up rushing off the the ER for surgery late last night. I needed a lot of help with the severe nausea that the medications caused me and I was very dehydrated from blood loss, but they fixed me up pretty good! I am grateful for hospitals when you need them!<br />I am home now and trying to rest as much as one can with 7 children who need me.<br />I am on the mend, and Praise God...he carried me through the whole thing. I anticipate some time for the whole family to recover and heal.<br /><br />God is good, all the time and I know that this precious life is not lost, but in the arms of Jesus.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05125749193596865592noreply@blogger.com4