Saturday, July 31, 2010

Random thoughts

I am finally able to sit down and blog for a few minutes today. We got Internet access back on at home (yippee) and I have a day off. DH happens to be working today and the kiddos are working on chores and things to get ready for #2 son's birthday party today. Ahhh...a moment to write!
Things in my life are so busy. I work 40 plus hours a week now. My job is very high pressure and fast paced. I am an Admin/scheduler for a roof maintenance company here in town. It is hard adjusting to being gone all the time. Sometimes dinner happens late at night, sometimes we have to go to the store before we can eat! Especially since DH got busy with his work around the same time I went to work. That was not supposed to happen. We thought he would pursue surgery on his back and be home with the kids. I can't get him to slow down. After having NO income for so long, he is trying to get us caught up. I'm just praying that he can hold out with his back issue.
We have a babysitter coming in to help with the kids, not my plan...but it seems to be necessary these days.
Life has taken so many twists and turns. There are time I feel guilty, (daily) about no being home all the time. There are times I feel so overwhelmed that I do not know which way to go! Then, there are times that I try and remember to breathe, stop my thoughts and trust that God has the plan for my life. I am following my husbands leading. If he tells me to quit working, it will be time.

For now, homeschooling is minimal. I know that I need to plan for next year, but I am not even sure if I will be teaching, or if DH will be teaching. I've thought about public school, but we really do not want to do that. I will go back to no income before that happens.

Anyway, that is just an update. Please keep me in your prayers. I need to be sane and have the peace that passes understanding!

My thoughts lately and still are with those who do not know God and depend on Him in times of trouble. If I did not have God in my life, what I am doing now would be intolerable. I almost wonder if God is allowing me to go through this current trial to increase my compassion for working moms. I always had the opinion that moms should stay home with their kids and homeschool. I admit that I looked down on moms who worked. I almost had the opinion that they were not as dedicated a mother as I was, when I was at home baking bread and teaching math lessons every day.
Perhaps God is teaching me to have a new perspective?

I am also moved by so many around me who struggle through addictions and pain. I have always been moved by those bound by addictions.

I would love to see a written plan from God on what to do next in my life. I am not thinking that is going to happen anytime soon however. I'm really trying to remember to slow down and take each day as it comes. Things are radically different and I do not know what the next season holds, but I have to be ok where I am today. Con tenement is not easy to hold on to!