Sunday, April 1, 2012


since I have become ill, I have literally lost most of my friends and acquaintances. It's been very hurtful and confusing. Reading that it is a common thing for people to get scared and run from illness does little to make the sick person feel better. I've been lonely and bitter about the sudden isolation. I can't get out to see people either, so that doesn't help. Somedays, when I'm having a bad day and I can't get out of bed, I think about the people I'm missing these days. The last 3 days have been hard. I'm too dizzy to walk. I am finding it hard to want to get out of bed when I know I'm just going to stumble around and hope to not fall. My headaches are severe lately, my arsenal of pain meds don't touch the pain. It's hard to keep going, especially when you feel alone. Today I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to have any of these people in my life. Maybe they are not really what I need. If I need to walk this path with just my husband and kids, that has to be ok. Maybe I don't need anyone else? I know that I have to move forward with or without other people. We have been handling this on our own so far, maybe that is the way God wants it? Who knows God's will, not me. I do know that I have learned so much about the ways of man, the ways of myself and the reality of hard times. You really, really do see who has your back when the rubber hits the road. Peoples words really mean nothing unless you see the actions too. These are my realities, not written as a downer, just my feelings in writing.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Smart phone my foot! It's tough getting this thing to write on my blog! Hopefully it makes sense. This has been so hard on my family. I wish I could make it go away. I have seen my poor husband doing my job and his. I have to say that I have seen the icky side of people in this too. Like the man beaten and robbed in the ditch being blamed for his misfortunes by the religious right who cross the street to walk by me Most troubling. There have been a few good samaratian moments tho and I God loves me and will see us thru, with or without anything else.


I have a hard time getting my phone to work on blogger well, so this will be quick and forgive the typos, it won't let me correct. Since december I've been admitted to harborview 6 times for complications, have had 2 brain surgeries and currently am at home with a picc line so I can get iv meds for the next month or so as I got a staph infection in my brain somewhere along the line. Still in bed most of the time, going on 6 months of that junk. My chiari is very severe and I still need more surgery someday. For now, I'm still very impaired neurologically, visually etc. I try to get out of bed for longer periods each day to get strong. My chiari was very severe, including a hole in my spinal column. I still need surgery for other parts of my brain being compressed but I'm not strong enough now. Life is radically different. I wish I had a computer here so I could blog all that I'm thinking and learned. It's truly been a journey. My husband is doing my job dvd his, we

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Brain surgery

Among other things...this past year has been insane. My mother died of lung cancer in june, I lost my job 4 days later and rapidly started getting very ill. My dumb phone won't let me blog well so this will be a quick update. I was bedridden by october with a condition called chiari malformation. Basically, my brain was compressing down into my spinal column. It was extremely severe according to the surgeons so no time was wasted and I was in surgery less than three weeks from diagnosis. I spent two weeks in hospital and am now trying to recover at home. I have an 8 inch incision where they cut my skull open, moved my brain back where it is supposed to be and they left part of the skull off to allow for this to not happen agai
I have lots of swelling and other issues still three weeks post op so walking, vision, speech, cognitive ability are still tbd. Since my case was so severe, my dr is surprised that I'm conscious and warns that I may need six months to recover. More later. Dawn